"When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,

And the women come out to cut up what remains,

Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains

An' go to your Gawd like a soldier."

- Rudyard Kipling

My quest to find an answer to the name of my blog has lead me into deeper realms of thought that I had hitherto never ventured to explore. Each story written by me has added a dimension to this search. Faith versus fatalism is a debate which has raged in my mind in my chase to find the answer. Faith led me into beliefs, beliefs into how far I would go to defend them, defending beliefs led me into the sense of belonging and belonging gave way to a sense of loss and desperation and finally all these gave way to the most sublime of emotions, love.

I am no stranger to failure, as I wrote in my first post. At the turn of the decade, I was left standing, facing my mirror. The picture of utter desolation. Even the people closest to me had written me off as one of those individuals with great potential and little to show for it. It was one of those times when you feel an unbearable weight relentlessly bearing down on you. When you no longer want to see tomorrow. All I had was me and my stubborn belief that I was good. It was then that an obvious realization dawned on me. Simply, that things couldn't get worse. Whatever happened next would be for the better. After wavering initially, gradually this realization made me stronger and finally I decided to keep the faith and 'die another day!'

So I still believed in myself. But this is just one of the numerous beliefs that drive the human mind. There is a lot each one of us believes in. But how far are we willing to go to defend these very beliefs? I realized that very broadly each individual defends his/her beliefs at three distinct levels when he/she feels that they are being violated. The first is for the self. Are you willing to defend your beliefs and assert yourself when you are challenged? The second is for someone close to you. Are you willing to fight for that someone when you believe he/she is right and is being wronged? The third is for a stranger. Are you willing to defend someone who means nothing to you because you believe he/she is right and is being wronged? Most would stop at the second level. So most are willing to look on as mute spectators just because it is not worth their time to defend a person they do not know. So most show that they are willing to go only that little bit to defend what they believe is right and not a step further. In my eyes, these people are mere cowards for man is answerable to only his own conscience and if that is not clear, he can never find peace.

We often hear clichés like 'what goes around comes around'. Yet a vast majority of us would not think twice before distancing themselves from people who they believe cannot help them in the present or the future. Some even forget the people who were by their side when they were at the lowest point in their lives when they are better off. Success is transient. Ephemeral. And success is never enjoyed alone. Why not take everyone with you? A time may come when it is they who are taking you with them. On the other end of the spectrum is revenge. All I can say is that those who have tasted revenge have never liked it. Never found it worth the chase. If you have been wronged leave it to the 'Mills of God'. They 'grind slowly' but 'they grind exceeding small'

And for those of us willing to have faith in their beliefs, create a sense of belonging with others based on their beliefs and defend these very beliefs to death, sometimes find it difficult to come to terms with the latter. Every individual is emotionally attached to every person he/she knows at some level or the other. There are always expectations regardless of how many cynics convince you to have none. And it is when these expectations are not fulfilled by people or by the almighty himself that we tend to lose faith. Why do some people die before 'their time', when they have such a lot to give to society or to their near and dear ones? I have no answer. But do people actually die? Physically yes, they are no longer with you. But every word they said when alive, every little witticism, every philosophy they propounded, is deeply ingrained in the minds of their listeners. So while they are not physically present, they have become an integral part of the lives they touched.

Finally, should we keep looking longingly at a closing door and not heed one that has just opened? The love that we have received from the people dearest to us is not just ours to keep. We in turn must love others and it is only those who have fallen in love, who will know how this most sublime of emotions feels. Even in the vilest of surroundings, even in the depths of despair, the mind is at peace. You can hear her voice in every beat of your racing heart! Every little association reminds you of her and you are filled with warmth with every thought of her. True love never is and never has been about possession. Even a song on radio reminds you of the home you love. At the turn of the decade, I realized that mine was a one-sided love but no matter what the future holds in store for me I will never regret falling in love! The fire will perhaps someday burn out but the scar will remain. But it will never remind me of the pain but always of the bliss I felt!

So my friends the reasons for living may be several but all I can say is that live out your dreams, live your beliefs and values and go to your God like a soldier! Live the child in you. The child you may feel is gone. For it is in the child that the truth lies. The truth of who you are and who you were intended to be!

"If you see the wonder of a fairy tale

You can take the future even if you fail"  - I Have A Dream, Westlife.