Death touches every mortal's life not once but many times. It invokes in its wake a myriad of emotions dictated by events and circumstances surrounding it. It has left in my mind the remains of many voices I shall never hear again. I'm writing this, perhaps my most claustrophobic piece yet, on the occasion of Diwali, a festival of lights dispelling the darkness. Yet this day has often been marked by darkness for me with regard to those people who lit up my life the most.
During the most difficult years of my education, those of secondary, I used to go to a particular tutor by the name of Mr. Ghosh for mathematics coaching. He had rented the ground floor rooms of a house wherein he taught some 10 or 12 students. This man was ill-tempered but a very good teacher. My being stupid annoyed him and evoked reactions in keeping with such annoyance. My turning up late for tution would have him enter into a long tirade. All in all I had a tough time there.
A year of toil later, one Diwali evening, I reached his place. It was completely dark with no lights on. Since no one occupied the first floor rooms the entire house was shut up. I was rather irritated. Firstly it was a Diwali evening and I had taken the trouble to come to study rather than have fun with my friends and to top it the stickler for discipline himself was late. I waited for sometime. He still didn't come. Half an hour later I decided that he must have got into the Diwali mood himself and abandoned the class. In those days, cell phones were not as common as they are today. At any rate, I had none.
So I reached home and the first thing I did was pick up the phone and call his number. It was picked up and a woman's voice spoke at the other end. I asked for Mr. Ghosh. The voice went silent and next I heard a young girl's voice. She asked me who I was. I informed her that I was a student of Mr. Ghosh. She heard me out and then said Mr. Ghosh has expired. I was taken by surprise. The tone of asperity hitherto in my voice was lost. I stammered, "Oh.. I see." and put down the receiver. I told my mom about the incident and she was rather upset. But all I had was this numb feeling in my head and my only thought was that of how I should react.
I joined the tution of another professor, a Mr. Sanyal. He was a 'stud' as we say in common parlance. A bachelor with a zest for life, he could solve any problem you could throw at him. I stayed with him till my board exams started and took his blessings for my entrance exams. It turned out that I didn't perform all that badly and did end up joining an engineering college. The first few months of ragging kept me tortured and distracted and it was only during Diwali that I decided I should go back and thank Mr. Sanyal for the great job he had done. So I reached his home with a box of mithai and rang the bell. The door was opened by a very old lady, his mother. I had seen her a few times before. I asked for Mr. Sanyal and for a moment her eyes seemed to glisten. Then she replied that he had passed away. "How?", I blurted out in shock. She explained that he had been suffering from cancer for sometime. And we hadn't even known. I handed her the sweets and walked away with a numb feeling in my head and my only thought was that of how I should react.
2 years ago on the evening of Diwali, while I was enjoying myself in Pune, I got a frantic call from home. My mother had collapsed in the bathroom and her already arthritis ridden knee was in a very bad condition so that she could barely move. Even a month and several sessions of physiotherapy later, her condition just got worse. The doctor prescribed a knee replacement surgery as soon as possible. I was forced to apply for a location transfer as handling of the entire thing was well beyond the capacity of my ageing father. I had to leave the place, the project and the people I had grown to love.
Last night I helped carry my grandma's body on the stretcher to the hearse. I touched the flame to her throat. It was over. All I had was this numb feeling in my head and my only thought was that of how I should react.
